Lay it Down by Bill Tell

Helping you find freedom by laying down performance-driven Christianity. There is a place for you here. Welcome.

Archives for February 2017

Another Breeding Ground for Stress – Forgetting and Ignoring

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I have lots of inner breeding grounds for stress to take root in me. Last week I revealed that one of my toxic swamps is when I take on the job description of  controlling the circumstances of life around me. It’s not my job to manage the universe. I need to lay that one down.

I have another swamp to tell you about. It’s related to last week’s desire to take control, but this is a swamp in its own right – yet I find both draining into each other. Its like they are partners ganging up on me. A nice way to describe it is I simply forget that God is always with me…in all circumstances. I am on my own…therefore I must take control. A not so nice way to describe this stress inducer is I intentionally ignore His continual promised presence. Why would I do that? Because I think I know better what I should be doing or how things should be going than God knows. Whether I unintentionally forget or purposefully ignore His continual presence, the result is always the same –  stress!

Notice the underlined words in the following scripture:

  • “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). To be afraid is stressful. Hugely. So one way I like to paraphrase this verse is like this; “Don’t stress out, I am with you. And don’t let circumstances be a source of discouragement – I am your God and that is sufficient encouragement for you. And don’t be stressed by not being enough to meet the onslaughts of life – I know exactly how much strength and help you need. Not only do I know, I will deliver the exact amount at exactly the right time. Relax. Trust me.”

But there is even better news that keeps stress from taking root:

  • “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever…you know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you“ (John 14:16-17). These words of Jesus changed thousands of years of theology. All through Old Testament times God promised that his presence would be with us. Now Jesus says that he will not just be present with us, but will actually live in us by his Spirit! Now that is help. Real help. Here’s how:

First, this Spirit in me has the ability to comfort me – if I let him. “But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father…” (John 15:26, NAS).

Secondly, the the Spirit is always committed to telling me the truth and helping me live in it – if I will listen and then trust. “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth…” (John 16:13). God’s perspective always seems to relieve my anxious and stressful thoughts.

Thirdly, the Spirit helps me by giving me an inner strength to face life that I cannot muster up by my own willpower. “…According to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being“ (Ephesians 3:16).

I need to remember that God is more powerful than the circumstances of my life. And that power resides in me…for me. And so others can see it for His glory.

SOME PERSONAL MEDITATION: Is there a circumstance in your life right now where you have forgotten His presence with you and in you? What is it? How would dependence on the reality of God’s comfort, truth and power de-stress you?

HELP A FRIEND REMEMBER:  There is someone in your circle of friends who is right now overwhelmed and stressed out by the circumstances they find themselves in. Perhaps it might be helpful to pass this post on to them. II Cor 1:3,4.

 

A 2nd Breeding Ground of Stress- Usurping Control

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Stress – what if it is not “out there” in the circumstances of life, but it’s “in here,” in me? If that is true, then the solution to my stress is not trying to control or even change what are often unchangeable circumstances.  Control freaks are seldom relaxed. Probably never. There is always one more thing that will need to be controlled in order to feel in charge and safe.

When I feel stressed out by not being able to control the chaos I perceive around me, I find I have forgotten two things (and more):

  • It is not my job to control the circumstances of life that surround me. Should I act responsibly and wisely? Of course.  Should I be a good steward of the resources I have to do good in the midst of suffering and evil? Absolutely. Am I responsible for a changed outcome? Not so much. Actually, maybe not at all! Here are two verses I often go back to when I forget and feel the stress of ownership for outcomes.

“The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the Lord.” (Proverbs21:31). This helps me separate my part from God’s part. I get the horse ready. I do it well. Responsibly. But the outcome is not dependent on me, it belongs to the Lord.

“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand” (Proverbs 19:21). This reminds me I have to hold my plans, my desired outcomes, in an open hand. No closed fists allowed.

  • I forget how close the Controller of all things is to me. Here are my go-to reminders that help de-stress me:

“The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything” (Philippians 4:5,6).

“The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him…” (Psalm 34:7).

“…for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4).

And then there are so many things I forget about the Master Controller. He is trustworthy. Gentle…He knows my limits. He is a source of stability…a rock I can stand on. He is my protector…my refuge.  When I am stressed, my list grows long.

YOUR TURN: What are you trying to control that is stressing you? What would it help you to remember? Are there things you need to let go of and trust the one who is trustworthy?

BE A FRIEND: You and I are surrounded by friends who are stressed out. Stressed out because they are looking for solutions to stress in all the wrong places…not aware that we are filled with inner breeding grounds where stress can rear it’s ugly head. Pass this blog along and help expose them or remind them of the One who is really in control – for our good. Lets spread the good news.

My #1 Inner Breeding Ground of Stress

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Time to get serious. And personal about my stress. A primary breeding ground of long term stress in my life has been in the core lies I have believed. Because I allowed the core lies to go unchecked with truth for so many years, stress became a  constant companion. So constant that I was used to it. It was normal. Just life. Oh there were definite and strong spikes but then it would subside. It was like living with a constant low-grade fever. Livable but unhealthy. And ultimately dangerous.

My core lie was that I did not have much inherent value and so my worth was dependent on what others thought of me. I tell the story of how this lie was planted in me as a child in my book Lay it Down – Living in the Freedom of the Gospel. Let me encourage you to read it as it is critical we understand how lies are planted in us, become our unseen master and then how to be freed from them. You can get a copy at NavPress, Amazon, and any other book distributor…and it is a five star book on Amazon!

Believing that my worth was in what you and others thought of me grew me into an addicted people-pleaser. Believing my worth was is in how others perceived me was:

  • Frightening. Having my worth in what others thought of me was extremely scary. What if they discovered the real me? What if they saw behind the mask I wore to make sure they were pleased? I would be found out. Rejected. And when your worth is dependent upon others accepting approval, rejection is painful. It triggers your shame that you really are no good. That there is something wrong with you.
  • Exhausting. I always had to be on my guard, making sure they never saw the real me. I was always trying to figure out what would be acceptable and pleasing to them. Was I making the right decisions? Using my time correctly? Spending my money properly? Dressed right? Attending the expected events? There was no end to the list.
  • Enslaving. Always having to be “right” is not only exhausting, it is enslaving. You can never be you. A lie is always determining your actions. You are not free.
  • Addictive. You live in captivity for so long it becomes your only reality. Your only “safe” place. You have become addicted to pretending. To pleasing. To wearing a mask. You are not only enslaved, you are trapped.

As I share in Lay it Down, this eventually lead me into burnout and depression. Serious burnout and deep, dark depression. So much so that it required a year of sick leave to recover.

What was the key to eliminating the stress of being a people-pleaser? It was this – replacing the lie with truth!

Here is the truth that replaced the lie for me – I John 3:1, “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the children of God! And that is what we are!” My worth is not in what you think of me but in being the beloved child of the Father. Finally I found freedom from the fear, the exhaustion, the slavery and the addiction of people pleasing. The shackles came off. Do I hear the former chains rattling behind me some days? You bet! But do the rattles have to control me? No – they are just rattles reminding me I have an enemy that loves to whisper lies in my ear. And they are a reminder I need to trust the truth.

In my freedom of not caring what you think, do I become disrespectful? Disobedient? Out of control?  No I don’t. Why? Because as I immerse myself in this great love of the Father for me, it stirs in me a desire to love Him back…and I want to love who he loves and what he loves. In the freedom the gospel gives me I mature.

 

YOUR TURN:  All of us have one, two, maybe three core lies that we need the truth to set us free from. Let me suggest you spend some time…perhaps extended times…asking God to reveal to you the core lie that continually creates stress in you. Stress that has been so continual you think it is normal. Once you can articulate the lie, you can ask God for the truth you need to believe that will bring freedom; the truth you need to come back to every time you hear the lies rattling behind you.

NEXT WEEK: I’m going to share another of my inner breeding grounds of stress.

ONE MORE THING: Stress is epidemic. Not only do you need freedom from it, so do your friends. Do them a favor and forward this blog to them. Then after a few days, connect with them and see what they thought. You could even share what your are discovering about your core lies! Whoa – what might they think of you?