If you have not been invited to a gay wedding, there is a good chance you will be. And then comes the agonizing decision, do you accept the invitation and attend or decline? It is even harder and seems more confusing when it is a family member that has invited you. What do you do? Is there any biblical guidance? I think there is. Is there a universal one size fits all yes or no answer? Sorry, no. But there are two helpful guidelines to help shape your decision – one invitation at a time.
So where do we start? I start with John 17 where Jesus is praying for his disciples and those who believe in him through the disciples words…so that includes us! In verse 15, Jesus prays this for us, “I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one.” And then in verse 18, he affirms to his Father that “as you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world.”
I recently gifted one of my favorite toys to my son and his family – my canoe. In its prime…and mine…it made countless trips to remote canoe country. Its odometer maxed out and started over long ago. In my speaking, I often used my canoe to illustrate these verses in John. My canoe was meant to be in the water, but if there was a hole in the canoe and the water was in the canoe – that meant trouble. And so for us. We are meant to be in the world, but the world is not meant to be in us.
Jesus modeled for us what it meant to be in the world. He ate and partied with the most despised of the sinners. And he did not hide it…especially from the religious. The scribes wanted to know, “Why does this man eat with tax collectors and sinners?“ (Mark 2:16). He did it because his father sent him to. And he sends us to do the same.
But why are we sent into these repulsive worldly situations? Jesus gives the answer in verse 21, “so that the world all the world may believe.”
From these few verses of Jesus prayer, I think we can discern two guidelines for helping in deciding to attend a gay wedding…or any other distasteful event.
- In my going, is there an opportunity to advance the gospel? For example, will my presence reaffirm and strengthen my relationship with friends or family who don’t yet believe in Jesus? Will it keep the door open for continueing to share the gospel in this environment into which I have been invited? Will my going continue to enable me to eat with my tax collector and sinner friends. Will not going harm or break realtionships along which the gospel can flow? If the answer is YES – then perhaps being there is a great opportunity to be in the world and to pave the way for bringing light into darkness.
- In my going, will it only be an endorsement of their values with no on-going opportunities and pathways to relationally advance the gospel? Then perhaps it is a good time not to be there, lest all we do is “hang out at Sin Saloon, and…slink along Dead-End Road” (Psalm 1:1, The Message).
It is obvious there are conflicting Biblical priorities, but perhaps these two guidelines can be helpful in making a judgement call as to what to do. What do you think?
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Thanks Bill. That is helpful. It is a very difficult situation but I like your approach to making a decision.
Hey Bill. I appreciate the thought and sensitivity with which you have addressed this issue and also your heart for the lost. My problem with attending such a wedding and presumably a subsequent reception is that the same-sex wedding ceremony itself is a rebellious act and the reception is a celebration of that act. When Jesus was around sinful acts, he addressed those directly — whether it was the money changers in the Temple or the adulterous woman caught in the act in John 8. In the latter case He clearly told her to go and sin no more, although He did not condemn her. In Luke 11 Jesus dines with sinners, yet does not hesitate to confront them with their sin when they quickly get self-righteous.
I would have no problem having the couple to my house for dinner or going to their house — for the very reasons you outline above.
Good thinking on this difficult subject. I had the opportunity to counsel a couple on whether they should attend a major family gathering which would be attended by their niece and her “friend.” They had strong convictions against homosexuality, but now they would be forced to rub shoulders with a loved one who not only was lesbian but also flaunted her “same-sex relationship” before the whole family. While affirming their conviction against homosexuality, I remembered to remind them of this very trait of Christ to ‘hang-out’ with such sinners because of their need of Him. It is an act of divine love. But in the situation of a wedding, there is another dynamic. It is that all who are present are witnesses and therefore participants with the purpose of the ceremony. That’s a step farther than just ‘hanging-out.’ That detail in itself should give a one rule fits all type of guidance in this awkward and yet very corrupt situation.
By the way, I believe you have misquoted John 17:21, as you have it, it just does not make sense. But again, good logic and advice and thanks for tackling it.
I think that love always trumps rules, even rules of personal morality. I would attend such a wedding. Jesus did hang out with sinners. He showed love and acceptance for the woman caught in adultery. He didn’t condone her actions, but rather told her to go and sin no more.
Thanks Bill, we just received an invitation.
Very clear and practical. Can the gospel be proclaimed?