Lay it Down by Bill Tell

Helping you find freedom by laying down performance-driven Christianity. There is a place for you here. Welcome.

Yep – I have another breeding ground of stress – competition

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It seems all my inner breeding grounds of stress are interconnected. And so my initial burst of stress quickly finds other places to breed and grow. Now trying to beat it down is like playing an impossible game of whack-a-mole. My stress keeps popping up in new places and new ways.

Last week I shared that one of my inner breeding grounds of stress is comparison…which never leaves me in a good place.Here is worse news. I find the stress of comparing connects to a more exhausting place – competition.  I don’t mean the fun of competing in sports or other recreational games where we have so much fun and laughter playing with one another.

There is another dark side of competition. A way of competing that comes to life when my self-worth is threatened. I know when I get in this mode…and I have a strong hunch you do too. And it can be more often than we like to admit. Some of us are always in it…and it is exhausting. You can never fail, come in second, not be chosen or recognized. I can feel it wanting to take root when I am disappointed or hurt that someone else was honored, got the shout out, the reward, the honor, or I feel ignored and overlooked. Especially when I am convinced I deserve it more. Or could do a better job.

And then it hits. I become determined to prove them wrong. And I have some well tuned methods for doing this. One is I start trying harder…I am going to prove that I am the better, more capable and gifted person. I have lots of tactics for doing this. Another strategy for rescuing my self-worth is to ever so subtly put the other person down…and lift myself up. This is my Absalom strategy – “If I were king I would…”

What is the problem with this kind of self-improvement strategy? There is a big one. This kind of competition is always opposed to love.  Love desires the other person to come in first, to be lifted up. Love tells me it is okay for me to come in second…or last. My self-worth is in being the beloved child of God – not in how I compare with you or how I can compete and show others I am better than you.

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”  (John 15:13)

QUESTION: What are your subtle competitive strategies for preserving your self-worth? Do you have Absalom strategies? What are they?

REMEMBER:  This blog is a companion to my book, Lay it Down – Living in the Freedom of the Gospel. If your heart resonates with what I share in this blog, I’m sure you will enjoy the book. You can order it from NavPress and it is also available at Amazon.

 

My Inner Breeding Grounds of Stress – Here is a BIG One!

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 We live in a world full of disorder. Chaos. Confusion. Things not as they should be. And when I forget that God is my ever present help in the midst of all this trouble, I find stress in growing in me. I take on God’s job and become my own helper and protector.

But the turmoil of the world, and the inner turmoil I so often find in me when I am not living as I should, is a result of the fall of man in Genesis 3. When Adam and Eve sinned, both creation was cursed (Romans 8:20-22) and thanks to Adam and Eve I was gifted their sinful nature.  “You know the story of how Adam landed us in the dilemma we’re in…”(Romans 5:12, The Message). And so things are not as they should be. But here is the good news, I was not given the job of controlling or fixing this mess. There is an incredible promise in Genesis 3:15 that gave that responsibility to the coming Christ. My role is to point people to the solution…and remember to go there myself.

This brings me to a massive breeding ground of stress. One that I, in myself, have no solution for – and never will. The guilt of unconfessed sin. This week I’ll just deal with the stress of guilt, and then the next two weeks what the ripple effects are in us of unresolved guilt…and they are awful.

Here is the key principle: I do not have the ability to absorb sin and it not be harmful and damaging to me. There is something in me that moves me toward sin (Romans 7:15-23), but there is nothing in me that resolves my sin. The apostle Paul realized the solution was not in himself. “I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does” (Romans 7:24,25 – The Message).

If my sin is not resolved, I will always become a victim of that sin and that sin will have an effect on me. It is always a negative effect. I do not have the ability to live with unresolved sin and it not have an impact on me.

The primary effect on me is always the heavy and stressful load of guilt.

  • “My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear” (Psalm 38:4).
  • “When I kept it all inside, my bones turned to powder, my words became daylong groans. The pressure never let up, all the juices of my life dried up” (Psalm 32:3,4 – The Message).

And then two interesting things happen in me.

  1. My guilt sensitizes me to sin in a way that that is more reactive to it. I can spot it in others and I become very judgemental. Because the log is still in my eye, I can always spot the speck in your eye, and I make it my business to tell you…and others (Matthew 7:3ff).
  2. But my increased sensitivity to sin does more than make me judgemental, it increases my own susceptibility to sin. Sin is not passive. My unresolved sin always grows. The longer I live with prolonged guilt and delay forgiveness the deeper the sin patterns become in me.

Prolonged guilt + delayed forgiveness = deepened sin patterns.

So what do I do?

We do what the Psalmist did, he confessed. “Then I let it all out; I said, ‘I’ll make a clean breast of my failures to God.’ Suddenly the pressure was gone – my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared” And when I do, because Jesus paid the price of my sin, I am forgiven and cleansed. I am de-stressed.

 

SOME GOOD NEWS PASSAGES TO PONDER...and act upon to eliminate the stress of guilt:

  • Psalm 32
  • Psalm 51
  • I John 1:9

HELP ME – If you are receiving duplicate notices of this blog – let me know. I will talk to my IT department (me) and fix that for you. Unsubscribing from one of the duplicates does not help.

 

Another Breeding Ground for Stress – Forgetting and Ignoring

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I have lots of inner breeding grounds for stress to take root in me. Last week I revealed that one of my toxic swamps is when I take on the job description of  controlling the circumstances of life around me. It’s not my job to manage the universe. I need to lay that one down.

I have another swamp to tell you about. It’s related to last week’s desire to take control, but this is a swamp in its own right – yet I find both draining into each other. Its like they are partners ganging up on me. A nice way to describe it is I simply forget that God is always with me…in all circumstances. I am on my own…therefore I must take control. A not so nice way to describe this stress inducer is I intentionally ignore His continual promised presence. Why would I do that? Because I think I know better what I should be doing or how things should be going than God knows. Whether I unintentionally forget or purposefully ignore His continual presence, the result is always the same –  stress!

Notice the underlined words in the following scripture:

  • “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). To be afraid is stressful. Hugely. So one way I like to paraphrase this verse is like this; “Don’t stress out, I am with you. And don’t let circumstances be a source of discouragement – I am your God and that is sufficient encouragement for you. And don’t be stressed by not being enough to meet the onslaughts of life – I know exactly how much strength and help you need. Not only do I know, I will deliver the exact amount at exactly the right time. Relax. Trust me.”

But there is even better news that keeps stress from taking root:

  • “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever…you know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you“ (John 14:16-17). These words of Jesus changed thousands of years of theology. All through Old Testament times God promised that his presence would be with us. Now Jesus says that he will not just be present with us, but will actually live in us by his Spirit! Now that is help. Real help. Here’s how:

First, this Spirit in me has the ability to comfort me – if I let him. “But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father…” (John 15:26, NAS).

Secondly, the the Spirit is always committed to telling me the truth and helping me live in it – if I will listen and then trust. “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth…” (John 16:13). God’s perspective always seems to relieve my anxious and stressful thoughts.

Thirdly, the Spirit helps me by giving me an inner strength to face life that I cannot muster up by my own willpower. “…According to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being“ (Ephesians 3:16).

I need to remember that God is more powerful than the circumstances of my life. And that power resides in me…for me. And so others can see it for His glory.

SOME PERSONAL MEDITATION: Is there a circumstance in your life right now where you have forgotten His presence with you and in you? What is it? How would dependence on the reality of God’s comfort, truth and power de-stress you?

HELP A FRIEND REMEMBER:  There is someone in your circle of friends who is right now overwhelmed and stressed out by the circumstances they find themselves in. Perhaps it might be helpful to pass this post on to them. II Cor 1:3,4.