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Lay it Down by Bill Tell

Helping you find freedom by laying down performance-driven Christianity. There is a place for you here. Welcome.

Archives for May 2017

Why Fulfilling Conditions is not the Same as Earning God’s Merit.

Posted on May 22, 2017 Written by Bill Tell 2 Comments

Do conditions = merit? This week I have the privilege of introducing you to a guest blogger, Ron Bennett. Ron and I have known one another since since our twenties and have been on Navigator staff together since before the Dead Sea was even sick. I have a deep respect for Ron and when we are together we usually find ourselves in a deep biblical discussion. Ron has introduced one-on-one discipleship to hundreds of churches and thousands of individuals. Let me encourage you to visit his website, The Adventure of Discipleship, at www.rbennett.net.

In Ron’s post he deals with the tough question of conditional promises…ones that contain an “if…” When there is an “if” attached, is meeting the conditions the same as having to earn merit with God? This seems to be in conflict with the grace of God. Ron sorts this out for us and I found his illustration about concert tickets especially helpful. Read on.

A first cousin to the grace/effort tension is the grace/conditions tension.  This tension is exposed by the question, “Are God’s promises unconditional?”  You could substitute any number of spiritual concepts for the underlined word “promises” and create the same tension.

Grace is usually understood as the unmerited favor of God expressed to us out of his loving nature.  Vines NT dictionary defines grace (charis) as:  that which bestows or occasions pleasure, delight, or causes favorable regard…  In the Old Testament the concept is expressed by the word “lovingkindness”.

To this basic understanding of the word grace we often add the concept “unconditional”, but when we read the promises in Scripture, most often they do contain a condition…an “if-then” connection.

This creates a tension because in our minds, fulfilling conditions is the same as trying to earn or merit God’s favor.  A merit based life contradicts a grace based life.  We handle such tension by polarizing what we cannot harmonize and the result is we often claim the promises but disregard the uncomfortable (even unwanted) conditions.

For example:

(6) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  (7) And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:6-7).

The promise is for the peace of God to guard our hearts and minds.  It is clearly a gracious offer by God for our benefit.  Who wouldn’t want to trade anxiety for peace?  But the gracious offer is prefaced by unmistakable conditions:  prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving!

So when we try to live by grace and the “conditions” create angst in our spirit, I suggest we not ignore the conditions but rather decouple conditions from the concept of merit.  It is an unnecessary and detrimental alliance.

Recently some friends of ours called to offer us tickets to the Kansas City Symphony at the Kaufman Center.  They said they were a gift if we wanted them.  When we replied in the affirmative, they said we could pick them up at the “will call” window before the performance.

Arriving a little early to the concert, I stood in line at the will call window to receive the tickets.  Once in hand we eagerly (and gratefully) took our seats in the auditorium.

Nowhere along that process did I think that by standing in line and asking for my tickets I had somehow merited them.  However, had I failed to do just that, the tickets would still be on the shelf and we would not have heard the concert.  The tickets offered without merit required an action on my part for the gift to be experienced.  The action was actually quite trivial compared to the gift itself.  The gift was free but experiencing the gift was not automatic.  It required action, a response on my part.

In the same way the gracious gift of reconciliation with God is freely offered without merit (other than Christ’s,) but it is not unconditional.  Although we need to comply with the conditions, we should not think that by fulfilling them we are somehow meriting the gift.  To do so would be arrogant, foolish, or just naïve.

But conversely we should not expect the gracious gifts of God without respect for the conditions he connects to them.  The conditions are never arbitrary but wisely given as a further expression of his grace.

When our youngest son was about six years old he come to me one day and asked if he could have his own “boys” bike.  I asked him what was wrong with the bike his sister learned on.

He said, “It is pink and has Smurfs on it”.

So, I asked, “What kind would you like?”

“I want a black one with knobby tires!”

That day I made him a promise.  If he learned to ride his sister’s bike without the training wheels, I would get him his own “boys” bike – black with knobby tires.

The condition was not a merit system in which he would earn enough money to buy the bike.  They were given to encourage the development of a helpful life-skill (bike riding) that I knew would help him in life beyond the current desire for a shiny new bike.

A few months later he came to me to claim what I promised.  After riding the pink Smurf bike down the driveway without training wheels, we went to the store and picked out the coolest, black bike with knobby tires.

In a much more significant way, God graciously offers us promises to live by along our journey of discipleship.  We must not ignore the conditions for those promises nor think of them as a form of merit.  Rather they are God’s gracious provision for our walk of faith.


Bill here again. I trust this was helpful – and be sure to check out Ron’s website. It is very well done and makes you think. I’ll be back next week with another inner breeding ground of stress.

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Breeding Grounds of Stress: Oughts, Expectations and Abandonment

Posted on May 14, 2017 Written by Bill Tell 1 Comment

Oughts. Ouch! Now I am revealing a message that often plays like a loop in the back of my mind. “What do I perceive people are expecting of me?” And it is a message that is not just a whisper. It can shout like a warning. Warning me that if I do not meet their expectations, they will see the real me. An unacceptable me. And my shame tells me that in my unacceptableness they will want nothing to do with me. They will abandon me. That is incredibly risky. The fear of being abandoned may be the most painful and powerful emotion we can have. That is why performing for others approval has such a captive hold on us. If I don’t work hard enough and perform to their expectations, I feel their emotional if not their physical distance. Abandoned.

So what do I do with the perceived or even actual oughts? There are two shame driven roads I can go down. Both are unhealthy. First I can give in to the oughts and expectations. I will work and work and try harder every day to meet the expectations. In the process I learn that my acceptance and inclusion is dependent upon me. It is so normal that I am desensitized to the pain of it. The wrong of it. And this faulty narrative of how life is to be lived is transferred to my relationship with God. My acceptability to Him is dependent on me. This is a heavy and ultimately unbearable burden. Joy in my life disappears with every trying harder – there is no joy in having to earn acceptance and love. Guess I will look elsewhere.

Another unhealthy path – one that I seldom go down, is to validate and affirm what I perceive you already think of me…not good enough. I live out my unworthiness. I become the victim of my own shame. And because shame is so emotionally painful, there is no joy here either.

Is there an alternative? Can I ever overflow with joy? YES! God tells us that one of the fruits of His working in us is joy; “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace…” This tells me there is a place I can avoid the pain of abandonment and shame. By faith in Christ, I know my identity is not in the acceptability of my performance, but in being a child of God. But it is more than just being a child of God…it is being the unconditionally loved child of God. There is my new life story. That is the message I need to keep hearing. I need to hear it everyday from God and from a community of friends who treat me with the unconditional love of God.

Does this new place create instant freedom from the fear and stress of oughts and expectations.? In reality yes, but in our minds no. Author Curt Thompson in describing one of his counseling patients writes this, “… he found himself quite unable to simply disbelieve the lie he had practiced believing for so long.” My mind is inundated with memories of when trying harder was the only thing that brought acceptance at least for a time, or of incidents that affirmed I was no good. So what do I do?

I need to come into the presence of God everyday and give myself permission to receive His unconditional love and to find joy there. To often I have been taught to come to God to find out what to do to be a good person. To be acceptable. To be loved. To not be emotionally abandoned by Him. To often I come to God with fear and leave with apprehension.

I also need to have a community of friends who remind me of the good news of the gospel, not just with their words but with their actions…and with their emotional responses to me. Don’t have a community? Then find one person. The first person I found was an author and I read him over and over and over. I needed the truth he was telling me. Then as I shared with others what I was learning, I began to discover others whose hearts resonated with the same experiences and truths and slowly a community began to grow.

May the reality that is already ours in Christ become our experience.

 

 

 

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An Inner Breeding Ground of Stress: The continual back-burner search for WHY.

Posted on May 1, 2017 Written by Bill Tell 6 Comments

This breeding ground of stress existed in me undetected until two years ago. It’s like a computer app that operates in the background – not draining a lot of battery life but always on. And on and on. Always leaking a little power…and more than we think until we are set free from it. What is it? The quiet and unending search for the WHY.

Two years ago our six month old grandson was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder and spent three months in pediatric intensive care. Only two hospitals in the world specialize in little Ezra’s condition, one in Paris, France and the other in Philadelphia, and so he was flown via medical transport from UCLA Children’s Hospital to the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP). Based on tests done at UCLA the plan was for surgery to be performed at CHOP that would cure him. Hope was high as Ezra and his mom were loaded on the medical jet for the flight to CHOP. But it was not to be. As the world renown surgeon began to operate it became obvious that the 5% chance that the tests could be wrong came true. Smiley and happy little Ezra could not be cured surgically.

I have a hunch all of you have a similar story that launched you on a search for a “why?” It might be something that happened to a close friend or family member. It might be something that has happened to you. In all these it is so easy to keep looking and waiting for the missing puzzle piece that will answer the “why.” Sometimes we look to the past for causes. More often I look to the future, to spot the good that will come out of the situation so that can be the answer to the “why”.

Oh I know all the Christian answers. The cliches. God is sovereign. God is loving and He is always good. And then there is the one that keeps me searching into the future, “God works all things for good…”. I believed all of those, but in the background my radar stayed turned on searching for the missing puzzle piece just in case it came floating by. For sure I didn’t want to miss it. After all, mysteries are to be solved.

That all changed one day over lunch with a young millennial named Josh. Josh had walked through some deep times. Times that left unanswered “whys”. As he shared his journey he turned to Proverbs 3:5,6 – “Trust in the Lord…do not lean on your own understanding.” I knew that verse. Had it memorized…to little effect. And then Josh shared a paraphrase he believed God had given him that changed everything. He shared this, “God gives permission to not understand.“

Freedom! I had permission to turn off the radar, to stop trying to solve the mystery. I did not realize how constant and how much quiet effort I was putting into to figuring out the “whys” of life – to understand. God used Josh to change all that. God is okay with me not understanding. Actually he gives me the freedom and permission to not understand. He knows in this life I never will. He wants me to live contented in the mysteries of His will with a restful trust. He loves my trust. The mysteries of life belong to God and so my attempts to understand them will never be accurate. Therefore don’t rely on my understanding. It won’t be trustworthy. I need to “Trust in the Lord…”, the one I can trust with the mysteries and unknown “whys” that fill my life.

God gives me permission to not understand. My rest is not in understanding, but in trusting. And so is yours.

 

 

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Lay it Down – Living in the Freedom of the Gospel

Lay it Down – Living in the Freedom of the Gospel

This book is available from NavPress and all other Christian book distributors.

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