Lay it Down by Bill Tell

Helping you find freedom by laying down performance-driven Christianity. There is a place for you here. Welcome.

Another Breeding Ground for My Stress: Comparison

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Comparison. I do it. You do it. I compare everything. Clothes. Houses. Cars. Success. Popularity. Age. Looks. Weight. Intelligence. And then there are the “little” comparisons that weird me out: things like the neighbor’s lawn vs. mine and the student’s thick head of hair vs. my thinning scalp. Want more? I have them and there is no end to my list.

So what’s the problem with comparison? It’s the three places it usually leads me:

  • Pride. Pride is probably a more frequent result than I realize. But because it makes me feel good, it doesn’t particularly bother me or stress me out. I’m feeling pretty good about myself compared to you.
  • Covetousness. Jealousy. This is my most common destination and the one that stresses me out. It brings out my sense of shame, not-good-enoughness, failure, laziness…and a whole bunch of other condemning accusations. This reaction is as deeply planted in us as pride…but we feel it more. I feel my failure and/or don’t like the “fairness” God has handed out. Why did I get the short straw? We see it running deep in the apostle Paul’s life when he confessed that when the law told him not to covet he found he couldn’t stop (Romans 7:5,6).
  • Contentment. Really? Is this really a stressful destination? You bet. And why? Because a contentment rooted in comparison is a contentment based on circumstances. This type of contentment has pretty shallow roots. Maybe none at all. When my contentment is rooted in the circumstances of my life – that is a scary place to be. I know ultimately I can’t control the circumstances of my life no matter how hard I try. That leaves a constant backdrop of uncertainty that never leaves. I can’t quite relax. Always on guard. Alert.

And so if contentment based on acceptable circumstances is not the answer to de-stressing my life, what is? Dependence. Dependence on something firm. Unchangeable. Steady. Protective. And I will never find that in a thing, only in a person – God. “In you, O Lord, do I take refuge…be to me a rock of refuge, to which I may continually come” (Psalm 71:1,2). John Owens, probably with Hebrews 6:19 in his mind, wrote:

We have an anchor that keeps the soul,
Steadfast and sure while the billows roll;
Fastened to the Rock which cannot move,
Grounded firm and deep in the Savior’s love.

Where do I go to de-stress?  To my rock, to my refuge, to my anchor. And the more time I spend there with Him, the more I know I can trust Him. And in that trust of a God who I increasingly know, I find a new kind of contentment. Not a contentment based on the shifting circumstances of life, but a contentment that is anchored on an unchangeable rock. Anchored in God himself.

 

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My Inner Breeding Grounds of Stress – Here is a BIG One!

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 We live in a world full of disorder. Chaos. Confusion. Things not as they should be. And when I forget that God is my ever present help in the midst of all this trouble, I find stress in growing in me. I take on God’s job and become my own helper and protector.

But the turmoil of the world, and the inner turmoil I so often find in me when I am not living as I should, is a result of the fall of man in Genesis 3. When Adam and Eve sinned, both creation was cursed (Romans 8:20-22) and thanks to Adam and Eve I was gifted their sinful nature.  “You know the story of how Adam landed us in the dilemma we’re in…”(Romans 5:12, The Message). And so things are not as they should be. But here is the good news, I was not given the job of controlling or fixing this mess. There is an incredible promise in Genesis 3:15 that gave that responsibility to the coming Christ. My role is to point people to the solution…and remember to go there myself.

This brings me to a massive breeding ground of stress. One that I, in myself, have no solution for – and never will. The guilt of unconfessed sin. This week I’ll just deal with the stress of guilt, and then the next two weeks what the ripple effects are in us of unresolved guilt…and they are awful.

Here is the key principle: I do not have the ability to absorb sin and it not be harmful and damaging to me. There is something in me that moves me toward sin (Romans 7:15-23), but there is nothing in me that resolves my sin. The apostle Paul realized the solution was not in himself. “I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does” (Romans 7:24,25 – The Message).

If my sin is not resolved, I will always become a victim of that sin and that sin will have an effect on me. It is always a negative effect. I do not have the ability to live with unresolved sin and it not have an impact on me.

The primary effect on me is always the heavy and stressful load of guilt.

  • “My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear” (Psalm 38:4).
  • “When I kept it all inside, my bones turned to powder, my words became daylong groans. The pressure never let up, all the juices of my life dried up” (Psalm 32:3,4 – The Message).

And then two interesting things happen in me.

  1. My guilt sensitizes me to sin in a way that that is more reactive to it. I can spot it in others and I become very judgemental. Because the log is still in my eye, I can always spot the speck in your eye, and I make it my business to tell you…and others (Matthew 7:3ff).
  2. But my increased sensitivity to sin does more than make me judgemental, it increases my own susceptibility to sin. Sin is not passive. My unresolved sin always grows. The longer I live with prolonged guilt and delay forgiveness the deeper the sin patterns become in me.

Prolonged guilt + delayed forgiveness = deepened sin patterns.

So what do I do?

We do what the Psalmist did, he confessed. “Then I let it all out; I said, ‘I’ll make a clean breast of my failures to God.’ Suddenly the pressure was gone – my guilt dissolved, my sin disappeared” And when I do, because Jesus paid the price of my sin, I am forgiven and cleansed. I am de-stressed.

 

SOME GOOD NEWS PASSAGES TO PONDER...and act upon to eliminate the stress of guilt:

  • Psalm 32
  • Psalm 51
  • I John 1:9

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Another Breeding Ground for Stress – Forgetting and Ignoring

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I have lots of inner breeding grounds for stress to take root in me. Last week I revealed that one of my toxic swamps is when I take on the job description of  controlling the circumstances of life around me. It’s not my job to manage the universe. I need to lay that one down.

I have another swamp to tell you about. It’s related to last week’s desire to take control, but this is a swamp in its own right – yet I find both draining into each other. Its like they are partners ganging up on me. A nice way to describe it is I simply forget that God is always with me…in all circumstances. I am on my own…therefore I must take control. A not so nice way to describe this stress inducer is I intentionally ignore His continual promised presence. Why would I do that? Because I think I know better what I should be doing or how things should be going than God knows. Whether I unintentionally forget or purposefully ignore His continual presence, the result is always the same –  stress!

Notice the underlined words in the following scripture:

  • “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10). To be afraid is stressful. Hugely. So one way I like to paraphrase this verse is like this; “Don’t stress out, I am with you. And don’t let circumstances be a source of discouragement – I am your God and that is sufficient encouragement for you. And don’t be stressed by not being enough to meet the onslaughts of life – I know exactly how much strength and help you need. Not only do I know, I will deliver the exact amount at exactly the right time. Relax. Trust me.”

But there is even better news that keeps stress from taking root:

  • “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever…you know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you“ (John 14:16-17). These words of Jesus changed thousands of years of theology. All through Old Testament times God promised that his presence would be with us. Now Jesus says that he will not just be present with us, but will actually live in us by his Spirit! Now that is help. Real help. Here’s how:

First, this Spirit in me has the ability to comfort me – if I let him. “But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father…” (John 15:26, NAS).

Secondly, the the Spirit is always committed to telling me the truth and helping me live in it – if I will listen and then trust. “When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth…” (John 16:13). God’s perspective always seems to relieve my anxious and stressful thoughts.

Thirdly, the Spirit helps me by giving me an inner strength to face life that I cannot muster up by my own willpower. “…According to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being“ (Ephesians 3:16).

I need to remember that God is more powerful than the circumstances of my life. And that power resides in me…for me. And so others can see it for His glory.

SOME PERSONAL MEDITATION: Is there a circumstance in your life right now where you have forgotten His presence with you and in you? What is it? How would dependence on the reality of God’s comfort, truth and power de-stress you?

HELP A FRIEND REMEMBER:  There is someone in your circle of friends who is right now overwhelmed and stressed out by the circumstances they find themselves in. Perhaps it might be helpful to pass this post on to them. II Cor 1:3,4.