Archives for April 2017

One way that stress subtly and slowly grows in me is when I ignore what is restorative to me. I shared about that in the last post. We looked at how it is important to know what restores us. And we looked at how God puts His stamp of approval on our paying attention to our personal needs – that it is okay (and right) to be a steward of the body and soul God has given us.

When I finished the post I thought I was done and ready to move on to share another of my inner breeding grounds of stress…one that I have been anxious to share with you. One I wasn’t aware of until about a year ago, and unaware of how much effort I was putting into it and how much it was draining me. Now that waits to next week.

There is something else I need to share about ignoring what restores me…and that is WHY I ignore it. I can answer my “why” instantaneously. Actually I have more than one why and they are no secret to me. They are familiar battles. Here are my top two reasons I ignore what is good for me.

1. I FEEL GUILTY.

Somehow I feel it is wrong to pay attention to my own desires and needs…to what is restorative to me. I feel guilty to lay down in the green pastures and beside the still waters that refresh me. After all, for years I heard it taught it is better to burn out than rust out. Oh how wrong! What if there is another alternative? What if our fire doesn’t have to go out because we have run out of fuel? What if we can thrive and give of ourselves right up to the end because our fuel is constantly being replenished?

“Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden…and you will find rest for your soul.”  (Matthew 11:28,29). God invites me to live restoratively. I do not need to feel guilty.

2. I WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS WILL THINK.

They will think I am lazy. Self-centered and unproductive. Not interested in Kingdom work. When my mind plays these tapes I know I have forgotten that my worth and my identity is not in what others think of me, but in being the beloved child of the Father (I John 3:1). God breaks my slavery to the opinions of others and sets me free to enjoy His protection. I do not have to protect myself from what others think.

 

REFLECTION:  What keeps you from practicing what restores you? What is the lie that has you captive? What is the truth you need to trust? It might be a good idea to put your answers in your journal so you can keep reviewing them.

ACTION:  Let’s help thousands of people discover how the gospel sets them free from stress and how the gospel sets them free from all the holds them captive. Let’s make this good news of the gospel a movement that is transforming people all over the world. Share this with your friends via email, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc. and encourage them to subscribe to Laying it Down.

 

 

 

 

Last week I looked at a dangerous inner breeding ground of stress. It is one that’s a toxic swamp and sends out life-sucking tentacles that envelop us and hold us captive. It is a place we go very deliberately. It is the place we go to hide and mask what is true about us. The result is always stress. Damaging stress.

This week I want to take you to another inner breeding ground of stress, but it is one I don’t go to quite so defiantly and deliberately…it is one that gradually over time sneaks up on me. What is it?  The big category would be not living out of my values. Sometimes that can be a very intentional and deliberate violation. But today’s breeding ground is a more subtle – and that is ignoring what I have discovered and value as restorative to me. When I have ignored this long enough, I find myself depleted and empty. Stressed by the smallest of circumstances. Burned out.

Do you know what is restorative to you that you need to value and regularly practice so you don’t stress out? Here are some of mine.

•  I value alone time.

I am an introvert that loves being in ministry and ministry means people.  But in the midst of all the people, I need time alone to recharge.

Last fall in Singapore I was co-teaching all day and every  breakfast and lunch for the retreat was scheduled with people. So part of the agreement was no appointments for dinner. My co-presenter and I would find a nice quiet restaurant where we could be “alone.”

Sue and I love having the grand-kids visit. It is home-run derby, chess, bike races, multi-day Risk games, horseback rides and ballgames. In the midst of it all, my periodically disappearing into our master bedroom for 30 minutes of alone time is key.

When it is only Sue and me at home, Sue knows there are times I need to retreat to my study…or Starbucks, and be alone. Even when we are camping in the mountains and there is no one around for miles and miles, I will often take my chair and find a place “by myself.”

• I value freedom.

There are a tangled web of reasons for this, but I can’t stand to be controlled, micro-managed, or boxed in. There are a lot of ways that help me feel free, and one is I love vast open spaces. I need a view…to be out and about…and it helps to be alone. Isolated. The vast emptiness of the American West is incredibly restorative. Being with five thousand people cooped up on on a cruise ship sounds dreadfully draining. By the way, my favorite cowboy song is “Don’t Fence Me In.”

• I value learning.

I love it. I always have a new book on my Kindle. Learning and journaling  new ideas and insights is life giving. To go through a day without discovering a new treasure feels depleting.

I have a lot more values, and yours may be very different, but here is the BIG QUESTION: Is it okay to value what is important to me? To focus on my own needs so that I can be healthy – healthy to serve and love others without feeling guilty?

My answer is absolutely yes. Philippians 2:4 has been a huge help to me. “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others“. I read this wrong for years…I read it, “Don’t look to your own interests, that is selfish. Always focus on other people’s needs. Give and give and give until you have no more to give.” This took me way beyond stress to a full year of sick leave.

But what God is telling us here is really just the opposite – He says don’t look ONLY to you own interests…in other words, looking after yourself, taking good care of yourself, valuing what is restorative so that you stay healthy is okay. It is permissible. It is just not the ONLY thing we do, we ALSO look to the interests of others. And sensitivity to the Spirit of God in us will help us know when to do which.

So here is a QUESTION for you. Perhaps this could be a little exercise. Do you know your restorative values? Why don’t you write them down and list your top ones. Then ask yourself these questions:

• How do I honor the way God has made me and live out these values?

• How am I subtly ignoring these values and allowing stress to grow in me? What do I need to change? There are a lot of reasons we may choose to subtly ignore our values…and they are usually because we really value something else more. Being able to identify my competing values has really helped.